Why Gen Z is Bringing Back the Traditional Funeral (And What It Might Mean for You)

Does The Age of Your Children Determine The Funeral You Might Have? A new survey suggests it just might!

Discussing your death, funeral and its organisation is not going to be the most welcoming topic of discussion around your dining table tonight, is it?

Yet, as difficult as such conversations are, that day will come. The day will come when either you, or your loved ones, will make the tough decision about your life’s last journey.

It’s a conversation you may avoid but cannot escape.

The Evolving Landscape of Funeral Options

Once, it was a choice of burial or cremation. Today, the options are no longer that simple. Archbishop Desmond Tutu chose aquamation, or water cremation. That’s one of many eco-friendly choices available, along with mushroom-suits, and even being buried in an egg-shaped pod that feeds a tree.

What would be your choice for your funeral?

A traditional black funeral with sombre faced frock-coated funeral directors? Are you planning on arriving at the local crematorium in a horse-drawn hearse? What about at the cemetery in a motorcycle and hearse side-car? One UK TV advert on constant repeat tells the thirty-second story it how it was the most fitting way for dad, Tony, to take his last ride. Held tight in her arms is his black leather biker jacket as the funeral cortege passes. His widow knows this is ‘exactly the way he would want to be remembered.’

Honouring Loved Ones in the Modern Era

What about having no funeral at all?

This is the cultural shift taking place in the UK and in many other countries. The trend of not having a funeral service is driven by cost, convenience and choice, mostly from the rise and continuous growth of direct cremation.

A Celebrant’s Perspective

I’m not against direct cremation. For many families, it’s the perfect choice. It’s the choice I have made for myself. 
A cremation alone is not enough to celebrate my life. There must be a celebration of my years here on earth, and to keep my wishes, ‘exactly the way he would want to be remembered,’ there must be dogs and people at that celebration!

As a busy local celebrant and funeral planner, I am seeing first hand these changes taking place. Fewer funerals, increasingly more celebrants, are resulting in a reduction of work for many celebrants. It leaves me asking: how can we celebrate the life of our loved one in an era when, increasingly, traditional funerals don’t take place?

The Rise of Direct Cremations

Sun Life identified this trend in the Cost of Dying report 2024. Over the last few years, the numbers of direct cremations have increased to 1 in 5 and likely to keep increasing to 2 in 5 around 2030. In a direct cremation, there is no funeral service or ceremony preceding the cremation of the body. Only a few memorials following the direct cremation appear to be happening.

Personalising Memorial Services

Several families have contacted me to arrange a small family gathering at golf clubs, village halls, care homes and even in the gardens of their loved ones’ home. These allow the personalisation of a memorial in ways that are never available in a traditional crematorium. There is more time, time for these gatherings to create unique opportunities for sharing and retelling stories of a loved one’s life.

The importance of Remembering, Reflecting and Writing (the three pillars of the Sundial Services) those life stories is why I created The Sundial Series. Preserving your own life’s stories for future generations is critical.

The Generational Divide

There is another question being asked.

Will the funeral organised by your family differ based on the age of your children?

The National Funeral Directors Association (NFDA) represents over 10,000 funeral homes in the United States and 49 countries around the world. They recently conducted a survey with interesting results that may suggest the age of your children, when you die, could influence the funeral they arrange for their parents.

Baby Boomers vs. Gen Z

According to the survey, Gen Z thinks differently about end-of-life matters for themselves and their loved ones. This could change the way they think, plan and organise your funeral.

For Baby Boomers, those born between 1946 - 1964, (who would be between 78 and 60 now,) two-thirds are choosing cremation, and many direct cremation.

I hear the reasons for that choice. ‘There won’t be many people at the service, so I don’t want any fuss. That’s why I want a direct cremation.’ It’s those 30 second novellas of families ‘doing what mom wanted.’

I also see how the lack of a formal funeral or memorial service can leave the bereaved feeling adrift, and unable to find closure in the abrupt finality of it all. ‘What now? That’s all there is to it?’ It is what people often say.

During these changes, according to the survey, Gen Z stands alone with traditional burial as their top preference. Nearly three-quarters of those in this category (68%) strongly feel funerals and memorial services are important to celebrate the life of a loved one. Compared to less than half (44%) of Baby Boomers, the amount was lower.

What’s interesting on another level is these same children may have to use some of the inheritance they would have received to pay for such a funeral. Again, according to Sun Life, in 2023, the average UK cost of a burial was £5,077. In parts of the UK, it can be considerably more, even for the most basic of funerals. Yet, having the funeral or memorial is worth the costs.

The Universal Need for Ritual

As direct cremations become more common, families continue to seek ways to commemorate and honour the lives of their loved ones. I believe there is a universal human need for rituals that acknowledge loss and celebrate life, even if the forms of those rituals evolve. The act of gathering, sharing memories, and taking part in memorial traditions offers a sense of comfort and connection during a profoundly disorienting time.

I believe every life should have memorial words said when they end. What do you think?

The forms of funeral rituals are changing, but what stays constant and always will is the desire and need to memorialise and remember a life. This need to preserve and share our life’s stories is at the heart of The Sundial Series project, which offers you various tools for capturing your life’s precious moments.

How To Communicate Your Last Wishes Around The Dinner Table Tonight

Regardless of your choice or wishes, unless you communicate them, the final decision made by your children could differ greatly from what you might have chosen yourself.

To sit around your dinner table tonight and say, ‘By the way,’ in between mouthfuls of egg and chips, ‘I want to be cremated when I die with no service.’ Well, that might be a conversation stopper rather than a starter!

Even if you can’t or don’t want to have the discussion, you could write your wishes on paper where your children could find them. Along with the music you would like played, the hymns or prayers (should you want them) and how you would like your life celebrated. Taking this step brings comfort and peace in ways you can’t imagine, though the most difficult of times when those left behind find such information.

So gathered around the dining table tonight, you may not want to start a conversation about planning your funeral. I understand. Why not, instead, share stories from your life?

My Sundial Series posts offer insights and suggestions on how to remember, reflect and write those stories, and how sharing your life’s experiences helps transform your memories into lasting stories.

As a suggestion, let me give you a couple of ways to start conversations at your dinner table tonight.

(A question like this could lead to discussions about family history and cherished memories, potentially opening up conversations about legacy and remembrance.)

(This could subtly introduce the concept of legacy in possession and might naturally progress to discussing leaving things behind.)

Honestly, conversations about death and funerals will never be easy. Yet starting by telling life stories, begins conversations that soon open up hearts. Try it.

If direct cremation is the choice of your loved one but you wish to organise a more personal family gathering following, I would be happy to help create a meaningful memorial service. Please contact me to learn how I could help you bring such a service together.

Sources:
1 - GEN Z PREFERS BURIAL OVER CREMATION, REVERSING DECADES OF PREFERENCES TRENDING TOWARD CREMATION - https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/gen-z-prefers-burial-over-cremation-reversing-decades-of-preferences-trending-toward-cremation-302191411.html

2 - Sun Life Cost of Dying Report 2024 - https://www.sunlife.co.uk/funeral-costs/